Why Values Matter in Therapy

Values are often though as our inner compass

You may often hear psychologists talk about values in therapy. They might encourage you to “live authentically,” which usually means aligning your actions with what truly matters to you. But why do we place such an emphasis on values?

Let’s start with what values are. According to Russ Harris, a leading expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), “Values are our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves. They’re what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave, what sort of person we want to be, what sorts of strengths and qualities we want to develop.” Put simply: values are about doing what matters to you.

It’s also important to understand what values are not. They’re not the same as goals, although the two are often connected. Goals are specific, measurable, and achievable, like finishing a degree or running a marathon. Values, on the other hand, are ongoing directions you choose to move toward. Steven Hayes, one of the founders of ACT, offers this example: getting married is a goal, but being loving or seeking connection are values. You can’t “achieve” a value the same way you achieve a goal. It’s like heading west, you can keep going in that direction, even after reaching California from New York. 

When you live in line with your values, you’re showing up as your authentic or “true” self. There’s a sense of congruence between what you believe and how you behave. And when that happens, the benefits are real: lower stress, better emotion regulation, reduced cortisol levels, greater resilience, stronger motivation, deeper connections, and an overall boost in well-being.

Perhaps most importantly, values help us get through hard things. When you’re doing something difficult in the service of your values, the struggle often feels more meaningful, and more bearable.

Values act like a compass. They help guide our decisions. When our choices are driven by values, rather than by anxious thoughts or reactive emotions, we tend to experience less suffering. Even if things don’t go as planned, choosing according to your values often leads to greater fulfillment. And here’s the good news: you can choose to act on your values at any moment. When you’re out of sync with them, that’s often when anxiety, depression, or a general sense of stuckness begins to creep in.

Here’s a simple exercise: think back to a tough situation where you felt lost or unsure of what to do. Now, reflect on the values that matter most to you, maybe “courage,” “honesty,” “open-mindedness,” “loyalty,” or “service to others.” When you reconnect with those, they can serve as a steady guide through the challenge and help you stick with it.

There are many tools to help identify your core values, card-sorting exercises, reflective journaling, or even imagining it’s your 80th birthday and people are giving speeches about your life. What do you want them to say? What do you hope they remember you for?

Taking time to reflect on your values can be a powerful way to break out of a rut, reconnect with yourself, and start living with more intention. In short, it’s a path toward doing what truly matters.